The flight to San Diego is scheduled to leave in 5 minutes, but it's apparent to me that we are not leaving on time. I don't know this from announcements or updated signs, but due to the fact that there isn't a plane waiting outside the gate. So far, my experience with southern airports is that they are not very serious about boarding and departure times. A previous flight from Memphis to Savannah boarded at least 30 minutes late and still arrived approximately on time.
It's been a hectic and emotional last two weeks. Almost an out-of-body experience. Feels good to finally be headed home, but there is also a significant helping of anxiety mixed in. During my short (or long?) time away, a shift has occurred at home, and I'm no longer certain if it will really feel like home anymore.
Flash-back to January 2007. I had a great feeling of exuberance and excitement about the year - much different than other years. I was doing work that I loved, I felt extremely close to my girlfriend of almost 3 years (perhaps she was "the one"?), I had many close friends and family living nearby in San Diego. The holidays were awesome - other than that I can't put a finger on it, but the year just felt like it had so much promise and potential - I knew that it was going to be a great year. The first 9 months were filled with lots of good times, like
- attending the Marshall Sylver Turning Point Seminar which I gave my girlfriend for Christmas
- a touching Valentine's day
- a romantic anniversary trip to Big Bear
- successful projects at work
- a new kitten named Jesus
- general excitement over the future
- learning ruby on rails
- planning and beginning work on a business
- fun times with friends and families
- the end of my Dad's 2nd marriage and him moving into my condo for a time
- my MoM quitting her job and moving to Memphis, Tennessee
- my little brother moving back to Northern California
I'm not used to being so torn up inside. Normally I'm a strong, stable person and pride myself on being able to exist in high pressure situations without breaking a sweat. After hearing that my Cutie, someone I'd grown to consider before myself, had obtained a lease for her own apartment starting Monday and "needed her space"; I felt as if parts of my internal organs had been forcibly ripped from my body. And somehow, it was the part of me that I liked the most that was missing. I'd always felt that I was most myself when I was around her...
8:05pm: as some confused change of gate information filters into the crowd (not through a loud speaker and the monitors are not updated yet of course), I'm left dwelling on a potentially conclusive thought:
perhaps life is about learning to overcome tragedy?
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