How much of love is an addiction? Is addiction inherently unhealthy?
In college I had a philosophy professor who said that love is when you've been with someone for a while and realize that you love them, not in spite of their faults, but even because of their faults - because of their whole essence. At the time I thought that was a good way to think of it. If you love someone for all their characteristics, even ones that initially bothered you and bother you in other people, isn't that a good definition of love?
Is it also a definition of addiction?
3 comments:
Loving someone despite their flaws and loving them as they are is real love. I don't think it is/should be based on how good a person is. And I don't think a reason to love is always necessary. Loving someone as a whole package - good and bad traits, even intolerable ones, is not an addiction. Being a love addict is different from just being in love.
Being addicted to love is when someone has unhealthy dependency and low self esteem, or has gone through something traumatic as a child and ends up craving to be in a relationship as an adult and feel being needed by someone. They make finding love/or being in love the center or reason of their whole existence and will stay in that relationship at all cost since they know no other identity other than being someone's partner. Not healthy.
Nyang
Yeah, now that I'm free of the relationship in question and I can think about it more objectively, I agree that it's not likely that being "addicted" to a significant other is such a bad thing.
I suppose any relationship has unhealthy and healthy components to it. But it doesn't seem unhealthy to think of someone fondly when you are apart and look forward to seeing them next - even if you see them everyday. I'm sure there are exceptions, but in general that sounds like one aspect of a healthy relationship to me. (of course, as dealt with in other entries, one can't be totally dependent on them, but that's a different topic)
And for the record, I don't think addiction is inherently good or bad. It just is.
For example, being addicted to air is totally unavoidable, and being addicted to something like exercise is almost always a very healthy thing.
Perhaps addition carries a negative connotation of being out of control, but even then it's probably just the lack of control part that is bad... If you exercise instead of feeding your kids or paying your rent, then it's a problem, but if you exercise 3 hours per day instead of sitting on the couch watching TV, that's admirable.
I was talking to a friend of mine last night and she said that most of her past relationships has been like a roller coaster ride. The last time I used this term to describe a relationship, I was bawling my eyes out to sleep at least 4x a week.
She had described it as happy, then sad, then mad, then extremely jealous... the list goes on and the cycle goes on. But she said she loved it. When asked why, she said it feels good knowing you are no longer the master of your emotions, that you care about someone so much that they make you feel all those different emotions. Doesn't make much sense to me really. I'm not just gonna let anyone walk in my life and take me on a roller coaster ride of emotions. It's really exhausting!! But I admire her for loving both good and the bad.
Sometimes it makes me think that people(including me)are too selfish and arrogant for only wanting the good part of the relationship and abhorring the bad. Yes she pretty much said she likes the drama but I admire her for having such an open mind and courage to face the downside.
I really do admire her.
- Lemme know when you get this.
Post a Comment