If any experts out there are still claiming that emotions/mental state are not tied to physical health and general success in life; I beg to dispute them.
Since my emotions have been juggled the last couple months; my back, which had been doing really well for at least 8 months, is giving me tons of trouble again... Sunday was quite painful - to the point of not being able to walk comfortably!
Seems there are a couple things going on.
1. Pressure on a nerve that passes out of my spine somewhere nearby the lowest vertebra causes pain wrapping around my hip and towards the crotch.
2. Either independently, or perhaps because of trying to compensate for this pain, my hips are counter rotating, so that my right leg is getting shorter and the left is getting longer. 2 weeks back, they were in the neighborhood of 1 inch or more difference in length. Besides being extremely disconcerting, I'm sure this only exacerbates the other problems with my back.
In general when any one part of my back is hurting, soon enough, the rest of it starts hurting as well... everything is connected and requires proper balance or the whole thing falls apart... just wish I knew better how to deal with specific areas before the problem spread...
What's the saying? "only as strong as my weakest link" hmm... I'm not sure I'd go quite that far, cause weaknesses often can be turned into strengths. Maybe that's the point. A weakness is an opportunity for learning...
I'm definitely looking for some balance in life (not just in my back)... I don't think quiting my job, moving to some seedy location a hemisphere or so away and spending every night with a different girl until my money runs dry is an appropriate reaction... neither is crying each night at home alone... or working 60-80 hours a week in an attempt to get validation there...
can't believe I accidentally bought a core exercise book aimed specifically at women... I noticed the "15 mins per day" part and the near 5 reviews, but not the small print "for women"... I wonder if there really is anything different in how women and men should be strengthing their cores? and why shouldn't I post to amazon saying that they shouldn't make it gender specific. Similar to the #1 critical/helpful review for another exercise book I purchased who is unhappy cause the author uses the "guys" pronoun in the book?
If anyone reads this - I apologize for the whining. It somehow makes me feel better to get it out :-/
I'm considering a return to physical therapy. Hopefully they will be able to attack a problem like "counter rotating hips" better than "my back hurts, but not right now, 'cause you made me schedule this appointment over 2 weeks ahead of time and the pain went away"
So if anyone (from the hypothetical audience of readers) knows of a good physical therapist near the San Diego golden triangle area; let me know.
funny how I'm able to maintain relatively positive thoughts about relationships during the day, and then get depressed about that at night; and at night I get relatively happy about work even if I'm depressed about that during the day...
suppose it's easy to caught caught in feedback loops of negativity - gotta focus on creating more positive thoughts and generate some positive feedback loops - happy coincidences etc.
this entry is way too stream of consciousness... oh well - maybe I'll re-read and re-write it some other time
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