emptiness

Feeling empty...

I miss coming home to a loving household. I miss waking up next to a beautiful girl and staring at her while she sleeps. I miss seeing her on my desktop and phone wallpapers. I miss watching TV next to her, while she types on the computer. I miss laying my head on her lap, or have her lay her head on my shoulder. I miss having her voice wake me from accidental slumber downstairs, reminding me to head upstairs for the night. I miss walking hand in hand and feeling like we are partners, closer to each other than anyone else on the planet. I miss running my hands over her body, feeling the smooth silkiness and massaging her aggravations away. I even miss her stubbornness and the challenge of winning and keeping her heart focused on me. I'm missing these and a thousand other things... Feels like there's a giant hole inside me where she used to be. My whole life feels wrong without her in it.

All I can think of right now is having her back, and yet I know that sniveling, crying, begging has approximately a 0% chance of working. It's so hard to comprehend/accept the idea that it's truly over - or even that it's "over for now"... whatever that means =(

On a lighter note, I never understood why the women (or men) that great poets obsess over wouldn't read one poem and come back to them immediately & forever. Now I can see that making sense... people don't want to be pleaded with as a way to pick their lovers - they want a match of an equal. Of course the idea that I'm not her equal isn't a pleasant one either! I suppose my behavior isn't at the moment though.

If the poets didn't have their pain, they wouldn't have funneled it into their art. So, above all else, I'm clinging to the idea that everything happens for a reason.
I've often thought that I would have an easy life; but perhaps that's not the real plan...
Maybe this sums it up: God gives the biggest challenges to those who can best handle them.
I've come through many other challenges before - stronger than ever; surely I can do the same here.