Juno

Saw Juno with MoM, bros and two of my MoM's coworkers today. It was pretty good... Had a fresh, but not quite edgy, brand of humor. I liked the portrayal of intense emotion probably better than most movies I've seen. It didn't totally deny the emotions, like a couple of movies, and it didn't blow them way out of proportion, as almost all hollywood movies do.
I can see a pro-life interpretation of the movie, but if that was the intention, I think it was totally appropriate. I don't classify myself as pro-life (I actually have a 3rd viewpoint), but if I was, this movie is exactly how I'd promote the position.

We went to a diner/cafe afterwards to chat and I realized that I miss home. Strange that I didn't really anticipate that feeling. Over the past few months, my condo really hasn't felt like home, but there is definitely something there that I miss now. Is it an affinity for the community of my coworkers and friends? Or perhaps just a sense of independence I might not have here? Do I miss San Diego itself?
And is that feeling a weakness?
Why is it so important to me right now to evaluate each feeling I have from a position of weakness or strength?
Perhaps I'm putting some kind of pressure on myself that I need to let go of...

I don't know why whenever I spend more than a day or two with my brothers that tension seems to build between us. That doesn't make any sense to me. They seem to have some kind of anger or perhaps jealousy towards me that doesn't have much to do with my actions.

...thoughts for another day - just relaxing for now - will sleep soon and dream of new beginnings.

addiction

How much of love is an addiction? Is addiction inherently unhealthy?

In college I had a philosophy professor who said that love is when you've been with someone for a while and realize that you love them, not in spite of their faults, but even because of their faults - because of their whole essence. At the time I thought that was a good way to think of it. If you love someone for all their characteristics, even ones that initially bothered you and bother you in other people, isn't that a good definition of love?

Is it also a definition of addiction?

no one to answer to

After work, rode my bike to UCSD and played bball till about 9:30... about 2 hours of playing time - won about 4 games in a row and then lost the final game - exact opposite of the last time playing. Wasn't at all sure that we were going to win any, cause the rest of my team was pretty short, but we had a sweet little AI type guard named Santana who was the best guy on the court for the games we won. Saw my neighbor Alan there too - but didn't play with him, cause he was playing on the other court.

After leaving the courts, I got a weird feeling. The feeling that no one would notice a difference if I had stayed at home and vegetated on the couch or had played ball and didn't go home till almost 10:30 (or had done any other random thing tonight). I suppose it's not necessarily a bad thing, but it does feel really weird. These past two months are the first time in my life I've ever lived alone. I never have had a desire to live alone... don't think I like it much - although I know I might be in the minority on that. Guess I am a social person - who would have thunk it after living in the middle of nowhere as a kid and then being pretty restricted on friends up through high school graduation. Or maybe that is the reason... I'm still catching up from being lonely long ago.

Burr, was turning into an icicle riding home - just had a vest and warmup pants on top of my shorts and tshirt. I don't think it was cold enough to really complain compared to ice storms in Tulsa, snow in Denver, and other truly cold weather in the midwest; However, I could see my breath! To avoid the cold and go with the feeling of doing whatever I felt like, I stopped by round table on the way home for a slice of pizza and a Guinness. It was nice - there was still a lot of activity on campus at 10pm. That's cool - I like to hang out on campus and it's really close to the condo (like 1/2 mile to the shuttle or 3 miles all the way to the other side of campus) - will have to do that more often.
While eating, overheard a chica talking about a leaving her boyfriend cause meeting all kinds of new people was "very appealing". My ex is probably feeling exactly the same... wtf - I like meeting new people too. Now is my opportunity to live it up, meet new people, travel, start businesses, etc. I've gotta see her leaving as doing me a favor. It wasn't how I wanted things to happen, but it's probably MUCH better than if we would have stayed together without resolving the volcano discussion pattern where she always got the last word. If I didn't give up long before she would literally hold her ground to the point of breaking up over every tiny difference - like even a disagreement over a scene in a movie or a passage in some book. I always thought she calmed down later and returned to reality, but apparently that's not really true. I can only imagine how she'd be pregnant - I think jumping over the rim of the volcano 2x / month might be a conservative estimate. Strange how she has that dual personality where she's super nice, but also super stubborn. She has to be the singly most stubborn person I've ever met. I think she actually increases her stubbornness on the topics she latches onto because she's nice the rest of the time. In my experience, If someone is mean or stubborn all the time, it's easier to find a weak point and get them to give in... They don't mind breaking their natural tendencies every once in a while. But my ex saw the stubbornness as breaking her natural tendency and there was no more changing after that. I'm surprised that didn't cause more serious issues far earlier in the relationship... Apparently it's a testament to my abilities of getting along with people and avoiding conflict... Although, I no longer think that avoiding conflict is always the best strategy... live and learn!
Speaking of learning, I really have to stop thinking about her like this. I highly doubt that she's thinking about me, and even if she was, I still have to stop thinking about her. My 98-02 ex told me to "be a man"... And she's right, but damn, why is it so much easier said than done? What's the solution? I just need to shut off my weak emotions or something? I'm sure they serve some kind of purpose, but right now they seem totally useless to me.

Hmm... I'll have to consider creating a more public blog or remove the too private sections of this one - so that I can tell some people about it.

Ruth's Cris

Grand-boss and director took myself and 2 coworkers to Ruth's Cris steakhouse tonight - as a reward for solving a big production issue. It was a very nice dinner, steak was great, wine was good, but the highlight was the Sweet Potato Casserole w/Pecan Crust - that was absolutely amazing. I may have to try cooking it (found a promising recipe) just so I could be a hit at holiday events ;-)

Afterwards drove by the ex's apartment - just to drive by - not sure exactly why... Was just thinking about her. Since I do believe everything happens for a reason, does it make sense that I'm not supposed to get married anytime soon? I thought I had the perfect girl - she was super nice and loving for 3.5 years, but it's crazy now - talked to her on IM today, and it's hard to understand what she's saying except that she's deliberately trying to hurt me. Perhaps it's some kind of test? How could someone switch from being so nice to being so cruel? Perhaps she doesn't even realize it.
I suppose it's not possible to read into fate more than knowing that I wasn't meant to get married to her... right now... oh well. Maybe in life there just isn't much direction on such important questions - it's up to however each individual wants to play it.
Logically, I have swung so far away from thinking that marriage is even a good idea, but whenever I see a cute little kid running around, it reminds me why the idea could be attractive. Damn genetic programming! LOL

Alicia Keys No One

I love this song =)

I Just Want you Close
Where You Can Stay Forever
You Can Be Sure
That It Will Only Get Better

[Hook:]
You And Me Together Through The Days And Nights
I Dont Worry Cause
Everything's Gonna Be Alright
People Keep Talking
They Can Say What They Like
But All I Know Is That Everything's Gonna Be Alright

[Chorus:]
No One No One No One
Can Get In The Way Of What I'm Feelin'
No One No One No One
Can Get In The Way Of What I Feel For You
You You
Get In The Way Of What I Feel For You

When The Rain Is Pourin Down
And My Heart Is Hurting
You Will Always Be Around
This I Know For Certain

[Hook:]
You And Me Together Through The Days And Nights
I Don't Worry Cause
Everything's Gonna Be Alright
People Keep Talking
They Can Say What They Like
But All I Know Is Everything Is Gonna Be Alright

[Chorus:]
No One No One No One
Can Get In The Way Of What I'm Feelin'
No One No One No One
Can Get In The Way Of What I Feel For You
You You
Can Get In The Way Of What I Feel

I Know
Some People Search The World
To Find
Something Like What We Have
I Know
People Will Try, Try To Divide Something So Real
So Till The End Of Time
I'm Telling You There Ain't No One

No One No One
Can Get In The Way Of What I'm Feelin'
No One No One
No One
Can Get In The Way Of What I Feel For You

Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh
Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh
Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh
Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh
Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh
Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh

Jordan Huang

Check out JordanHuang.com. Website of my friend Henry's kid.
So cute! Making me jealous - LOL

artistic types vs. intellectual types

It's interesting when different types of people mingle... went to a happy hour event in downtown San Diego with a bunch of artistic type people. Didn't realize that it would be Actors, Models, Dancers, etc at the event, I actually went cause I was invited by a girl I had some interest in a few years ago (before dating my ex). Turns out that now she's living with a boyfriend, and I'm not the type to interfere with something like that. I like to see people happy together - figure if it's meant to be disrupted someone else can do that. However, the waitress was digging me (according to some of the fellow bar goers), so I did get her contact info 0=)

I like artistic people, and even though I value my own creativity, I think I'm more of an intellectual. There's definitely something to be said for opposites attracting... For instance, when assembling a team to accomplish some task, you are likely to have a much more effective team if you pick a diverse group. Some creative, some disciplined, some risk takers, some strong, some quick acting, some planners, etc.
At this event, they were raising money for foster kids xmas presents and at the end of the night, were happy to have raised $67. Surely they spent more on the event than $67, but they were still happy. Artistic types have that energy and enthusiasm, but if paired with someone who was more numbers driving, they could have raised at least 5x that - maybe 10x.

I did have a blast at the event, despite the unavailability of the chica who invited me... Chatted with some interesting people that I just don't run into in day to day life. Like a male model/actor, an openly gay tech consultant, and a female Caucasian break dancer.
Plus, potato and bacon pizza is awesome! Gonna have to add some more artistic people to the circle of friends I talk to frequently.